A'purgin

I was "talking" to a friend yesterday (via facebook of course, because that's where all my friends live) in regards to her post that stated "Day One".  What a coincidence!! I too was on Day One.  In fact, I've been on Day One most of my adult life.  Lots of people chimed in how they were starting their cleanse as well.  I believe someone even said cleanse/purge/release...which made me think that they may indeed be shoving stuff up their backsides and starving themselves for a week...not like that is any more or less horrific than my Day One.

Day one passed, and by some miracle I made it to Day Two (today).  I had to marvel a second that I had actually made it...then of course fear because I don't trust myself.  But there was something comforting in knowing that someone else was treading those same waters.  And I almost heard a silent "Atta girl, you got this" from someone who had tread those waters and was just further  upstream.  It was inspiring, hopeful and emotionally exhausting.  But it got me through the day.

Today, I shared my blog.  On my main page.  For the world to see.  Well, truth be told I omitted a few people. But it's my blog, and I haven't sugar coated it.  It's me.  And while it's new and there's not much in there right now, what's in there is truth.  And it's fears and pain.  Lots of pain. I hesitated pushing that "share on facebook" button...thought about maybe just copying and pasting that one post and er... "protecting myself"  Isn't that the feel good phrase??  But fuck it, I just pushed the button.

And then I started fucking bawling.  I mean complete snot bubble crying...maybe even moaning a little.  I believe Oprah once called it the ugly cry...but I can't stand Oprah, so I'll have to take other people's word on it.  My dog looked at me like wtf is your problem.  I woke up the baby I was in such fits.  And then I realized that one person read it.  And I continued my hysterical fit only with more intensity.  What the fuck is wrong with me???  Absolutely overwhelmed with feeling.  Exactly what I was feeling, I don't know.  But clearly, I couldn't handle it.  And it all came out as snot, tears and wailing.  And then it stopped.   An emotional/spiritual purge.  Fuck me, that was intense.  I'm glad this was an emotional purge or I would have needed some SERIOUS hemorrhoid cream.